We All Learn From Our Mistakes

I sit here on the balcony outside my chambers at HRS, my thoughts eluding my sleep. So much has happened in the last couple of hands I guess insomnia is what I get for not jotting down my thoughts daily. I have spent some time at the cabin with Kory, just two brothers of the sword that enjoy spending time together, drinking, carousing and roughhousing. Today, I gifted Kory with some leather gauntlets, inscribed with his name. I finally got to ask Meg to make them for me and she did...rather quickly too and I had a small gift sent to her chambers. I hope she enjoys. Seems she is a little paranoid of me...how do you like that, me, in charge of security, she doesnt trust. I've long since forgotten all about my sensitivity to her comment about my asking how her children were but I do notice that she doesn't speak to me anymore and when she does its very formal. That's fine, she need not truly trust me if that be her choice, I would never let anyone in Lydius get hurt, I just hope one day she realizes that so I do hope my little gift isnt thought of as a bomb.

I acquired a new slave from an old friend and she is turning out to be worth my efforts. tessa...she is well-trained, loves the thassa and she has warmed-up beautifully to me. ember, too, has accepted her quite nicely...though she will tell me that she accepted her from the beginning, I know she only did so for my benefit which is fine as it should be. But now she accepts her for her own benefit (does that even make sense?) and that's always pleasing to know that my girls get along.

Something else has happened these past few days...I started courting Callie Chaviva. It has been only a few days but I'm beginning to wonder if it is not a mistake. Im not good at this courtship deal. Maybe I'm just getting cold feet, or maybe its the fact that we have nothing in common or have nothing to say to each other half the time. Having nothing to say to Callie has happened several times. There are times when we dont say anything to each other in a gathering of people. Tonight, for instance, her and Kory were in the gardens conversing and laughing. I heard them and smiled. Seems Kory always makes me grin, the turd...so I went in to enjoy the evening with them. Well, I learned that Kory had given Callie a box of chocolates and though she didnt tell me about the flower, I saw it. I knew why he'd given her the chocolates and flower and I thought nothing of it. I have no idea what they were laughing about or talking about but I do know that once ember and I got there, they both got rather quiet. Kory became lost in his thoughts....looking at a rose that he had picked...didnt even tell me that his damn bottle of wine was empty so there I am, like an idiot telling ember to serve him before me cuz the bottle I took from him was empty. I confused ember, poor girl, last time she served someone before me, she was sent to the kennels so naturally she trembled in her nadu at my feet. Even though we were with Callie my intended and Kory my brother, I felt at odds. Like they couldnt converse with me there. And I myself had very little to say so I left, took a quick stroll about the flowers cuz I so enjoy them. Before taking on duties as commander I used to stroll the gardens frequently but seems I have no time anymore. After my quick stroll I gathered ember and we left.

So I dont know if courting her is the right thing, perhaps I should have listened to Kory when he told me to not rush into it or maybe it was his way of telling me something else that tonight was made rather clear to me. Only time will tell. We all learn from our mistakes. Well, rence I am finally quilled out. I supposed I had better get some sleep.