The Death of My Heart

My head pounds. I woke up this morning at the Brick House Paga Den undeneath the limbs of my girls, my head swimming in thickness. I didnt know what time it was but it was still real early from the darkness outside the windows. Slipping from the furs, I found my leathers and made my way to the house. The coolness of the walk from the Den to the house helped to clear my head some. Thoughts, actions, words...filling my head with the memory of what took place yesterday. When I realized that I hadnt written down all the little things in my journal said and done between me and Aspen and I started to recount all the little things, they all added up and as EnSword to this City, as blood brother to my Ubar I had no recourse but to eradicate the cancer that was sure to spread.

After my trip saw me home, I approached Trenton with the events of the past hand or so with Aspen. Explained to him how we fought publicly, how she came at me with both fists in a fit of frustration against me, and lastly and most sadly the words of treason she bait at me, pitting me once more against a brother, this time my blood brother, Trenton. I had no choice but rid me of this disease that tried to settle in my life. The decision heavy, the outcome cruel but nonetheless it needed to be done. As she was arrested and brought to the Ubar's study, I rattled off the charge of treason to her and then impaled my dagger into her heart, the most difficult task ever expected of me...to kill the one I love. My skill certain, her death swift but my pain a constant from this moment on, my Heart is dead for Aspen was my heart. Her dried blood still coats my dagger, I dont even know what's happened to the bloody thing.

My head still pounded as I washed up and dressed in fresh leathers. Then I went to check on my children. I watched them for a good long ehn as dasha brought me my blackwine and slipped away to leave me to my vigilance. As I watched them in quiet reflection, I see me in them...so much of me in them and I reached down to touch their soft hair, their new skin unmarred by any hard lessons. I lifted my eyes to the ceiling and told Callie, of course she wouldnt hear it but I told her that I was sorry, I know what I put her thru, tho I would never betray her, I put her thru pain and I was sorry. I also told Aspen that I love her, again, always would, knowing she heard me before her life slipped from her. No one will ever know how much I love Aspen. She claimed to have loved me but her actions spoke much louder than her words of love but she will forever be in my heart. Some things just arent meant to be.

I left my children to their slumber and made my way to my office where I found a gift from my Ubar, thanking me and supporting me thru all this murky pain that still really hasnt gripped me. It is a gold coin pendant, one I will cherish and wear always.

I best get to my duties, the powder I took for my head seems to be kicking in and I know that the rush of the wind out on tarnback will further quench my thirsty soul and dry my watering eyes.