15th day of Se'Var (10) in the year 10,157 CA

A true man of the north, I am officially stir crazy. As soon as my sons are born I will take my family back to Lydius. I know that Sana senses my emotions and I see her try very hard to get close to me. For the most part, I have allowed her to inch into my life, taking things slow and in stride but to be completely honest with myself most of all, she is not the woman I expected her to be. She calls it teaching me of her ways, I call it springing things on me - I need no teaching of anyone's ways especially that of a woman. And little by little my feelings for her have hardened into a thick layer of ice. Why? benefit of the doubt. I needed her to be the free woman I desired and she certainly painted her life around me but with time I have seen a side of her that is not appealing any longer. I see the toll that carrying my children has taken on her, makes me question her ability to carry more - what good is her purpose then? Harsh I know. Not that I need more heirs, 7 children is certainly a blessing but having more with her is something that I am rethinking. There is quite a bit I have been rethinking. Trenton has always told me never to make decisions while emotional...I suppose being cold is an emotion as easily as being hot tempered and inflexible both of which I have been accused of more than once. I try very hard not to let the ice be felt but I know I fail. I will have to speak to Sana about my feelings but not now, not before I speak to Trenton.

The desert is a hot and desolate place...but truly the nights are as cold as the north wind. Well, its late....