3rd day of Second Hand of the Month of Camerius (3) in the year 10,158 C

How stupid could I really be? Did I really think it would be so easy as to say...jee, my seamstress, Im moving out, I'll be gone by morning.....and not feel the repercussions? I thought this was the world of Gor....men do what they want here, when they want to, no matter the cost....guess they forgot to mention that the women are mouthy and call you what they want and throw your ass out of YOUR OWN chambers. So I'm a liar.....maybe I did lie when I said I loved her, of course I didnt love her cuz how could I right? I only fathered her 5 children...pft what's love got to do with that? I only provided her food and shelter and entertainment....cmon...I at least amused her didnt I? What does love have to do with that? So then, if Im such a liar, why did I bother being honest with her? I have to think on that one. I could of had a free ride with her....boy, did I fuck that up huh? Perhaps it would have been easier to be like all the rest of the "males" or "warriors" on Gor....companioning the most proper, most honorable women but go with every robed slut in the city? Odin, I missed out on that one! What does love have to do with that? Companionships as far as Im concerned dont even thrive on love so why am I the liar? Perhaps, since Im such a liar, I should have lied and said something other than the truth. Well, my journal, it matters not now. Im the liar and it will teach her to believe me anymore.

Im at the cots my bed for the rest of this hand...when in need, my bird is a comfort....she is the symbol of freedom, of power, of true companionship...her and I are one, its blasphemy to think a tarnsman would love anything more than his tarn, sacrilege. She is all I need....Fury and my ember....it should have been that way from the start but I had to go and be such a liar. To everyone, and to myself most of all. I left word to Trenton that my duties will be taken care of but that this tarnsman will not be in the city for a few hands. Much to do, acquiring new property. I never thought I'd own property outside of Lydius but Im taking some of my belongings and my girl....and staying on the Isle of Ivory N Bone.....in my new villa. By tarn I should be there in a few ahn....we'll leave in 3 days turning, come back at the beginning of the hand do what I gotta do then me and the boys will head back to the Isle next end of hand. Their training with the birds full blown now, great opportunity to learn the straps and learn the flight. I never fly alone so the boys will have their own rider to help them along. Who knows, I might even take the boys to the Sardar faire on their own tarns. That might help to ease some tension.

I received a scroll today on the passing of Gunner Begand. The news saddened my heart, he after all, helped me fresh out of the Voltai, my first homestone and the first Admin that saw something in me. I wasnt a liar then. If I receive word of his pyre, I will prolly take a flight to give my homage to him. Without him I wouldnt have met Trenton. I owe him my respects.

Well my journal, I doubt I will have anything to write about other than duties, the flights between my city and the Isle and the concentration of my sons growth and education. Perhaps if I do attend the faire, I will jot anything memorable about it...maybe not. After all, who wants to read the words of a liar...